I’m sitting in the empty cafeteria of a residential facility for families affected by HIV and I can’t stop smiling because my student, who I’ll call Sandra, is dancing with all her might while singing, “Love is a Battlefield.” This has become part of our routine. First we sit at one of the tables and work on homework, then we move to a couch to read, or I make up math word problems or, on the most fun days, she has a new dance to show me. It’s ostensibly for her, I’m the volunteer tutor after all, and she’s the one in “need,” but I always leave happier and more relaxed than I arrived and full of stories.

A little explanation of what has brought me here. A few years ago I had a bit of a breakdown. Acting didn’t feel like nearly enough. Nothing in my day made me feel like I was going to leave this planet a better place than I found it, and that was unbearable to me.

Now I’m sure that all sounds like I’m being a bit dramatic, but to me it was very real. I absolutely believe in the power and importance of the arts and performance in particular. I was that quiet and often sad little girl who sat in the audience mesmerized and transported, again and again, by the theatre. I believe that people need stories and rituals and that as actors we are lucky to take part in the great ongoing conversation about the human experience. Thornton Wilder said it beautifully, “I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.”

But let’s be honest, much of our time as actors in Los Angeles does not feel quite so lofty. It is hard to feel like that commercial audition where they just asked you about your hobby, or the meeting with the agent who was more interested in whether you would do nudity than in your theater credits, is really a part of something important and larger than ourselves, something worth the sacrifice of a steady pay-check, paid vacation days, and a more clearly defined path to success.

There was another part to it as well, something that isn’t talked about often from the actor’s point of view. I felt absolutely paralyzed by the narcissism of an acting career in Los Angeles. I don’t think that all actors are necessarily narcissists, but we are forced to pay excruciating attention to how we look as a necessary part of our careers. We look at and send out photos of ourselves every day. Exercise, haircuts and waxing appointments are non-negotiable parts of our schedule. Our level of sexiness, weight, and condition of our skin are acceptable topics of conversation at a business meeting. I was having a hard time coming to terms with this reality of my career.

The solution that I found didn’t actually fix or change any of this, but it provided some much needed perspective to my life. Through volunteermatch.org, I found an amazing organization called, School on Wheels, and I began to volunteer. They are a non-profit that provides tutors, as well as school supplies and enrollment help, to homeless children. I was paired up with a twelve year old girl who lived at a shelter. Once a week we met to do school work, read and talk. Over the summer she didn’t have any homework, so I brought her one of my favorite childhood books, Bridge to Terabithia. My student had always hated reading, but she quickly got sucked in as she read to me out loud. At the end of one of the first chapters, I must admit I teared up a bit, as she put the book down and said about one of the characters, “I can just see her!” and described excitedly exactly what she thought the girl was wearing and how the character felt as she was running the race. Unfortunately, shortly after that day, my student and her family moved out of that shelter and we lost touch.

Since then, I have worked with a number of other students and have had breakthrough moments with them all. Not every time, sometimes I get stood up, or I feel frustrated that I’m not having more of an affect. Occasionally, when I’m exceptionally busy, I resent that hour or two, wishing I had it to spend working on whatever project I have going on at the moment. But those times are rare. Usually it is a massive, welcome break from my normal life, a chance for me to focus entirely on someone else. The girl I’m paired up with and I get lots of work done, but we also spend a lot of time laughing. I feel like it is just as important that she now has another adult in her life with whom she can share her stories as any help I can give on her multiplication tables.

I don’t mean to imply that I have found the answer, or that everyone must volunteer. What I will stand behind is that anyone who is in this business for the long haul needs to find a way to have balance in his/her life. Not just a balance between work and play, but also between focusing on ourselves and on others. Lots of actors tell me that they will do something for others when they have “made it,” but this is one of those areas where we don’t need to wait. There are lots of things that I put off. I want to travel more, for instance, and I would love to be able to write fat checks to all the causes I believe in, but giving a little of my time and energy is something I can do right now. Moreover, It’s something that I need to do, so that I can then turn around and focus on myself and my career, with fresh eyes and enthusiasm.

I’ll leave you with a few more resources. Volunteermatch.org which I used is a wonderful website. You input your location and interest and receive a list of organizations looking for help. I just did a search for “theater” and found opportunities ranging from ushering to working one on one with autistic children in a performance setting. “Virtual” options are available as well, if you are looking for something you can do from home, but to me that seems like you would miss out on a lot of the fun. Idealist.org is another great tool. They also have a search function, though I found it less effective and you have to join in order to see more than three results. Their strength seems to lie in having built a community of more than one million members. You can create a profile and meet others with similar interests, search for a job or internship, sign up for daily alerts, read their blog, or listen to podcasts. Another resource is handsonnetwork.org, though I can’t help but be skeptical of their claim that, “we reach 83% of the American population.” They also have an easy to use search function, but their coolest feature seems to be a “toolkit,” designed to help you develop, organize and evaluate your own volunteer activity. They even have resources targeted specifically at college students.

I know that I am grateful to have found a way to volunteer which makes me feel like I am living a fuller, richer life. What have your experiences been with volunteering? How do you balance the extreme self-scrutiny required by an acting career with the need to put your focus outside yourself?